10 Tips to be a successful Husband

1. Dress up well for one’s wife:

Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time us men looked good to please our wives. Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasullullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use likeable names for your wife:

Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Recognize the good & focus on that:

Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day which brings no attention from the husband until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. Be silent on the wrongs:

If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (Radi Allahu ‘anhunna). It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife:

Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salaah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her:

Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Make her happy:

Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your Life.

8. Comfort her:

Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (Radi Allahu ‘anha) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous:

Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) would race his wife Aisha (Radi Allahu ‘anha) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Try to be the Best:

Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah (Azza wa jall) to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best !!

Islaaminfo.co.za

How to treat your Wife…

Ways on how to treat your wife in accordance to Islam
(inspired by the late Hazrat Moulana Yunus Patel Rahimahullaah)

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, as fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private,at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13.  A pleasant surprise.
14.  Preserve and guard the tongue.
15.  Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16.  Give sincere compliments.
17.  Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18.  Speak of the topic of her interest.
19.  Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20.  Give each other gifts.
21.  Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22.  Have a good opinion of each other.
23.  Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
25.  Expect and respect her jealousy.
26.  Be humble.
27.  Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28.  Help at home, with housework.
29.  Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30.  Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31.  Remember your wife in Du’a.
32.  Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33.  Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37.  Show her your smile

A Dad’s speech at his Daughters Nikaah

I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!

I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy! She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!

If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!

I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy. Dear son-in-law, these words may not mean much to you now but if you are lucky enough to father a daughter someday, you will appreciate them better when you will find every beat of your heart shouting – “please keep her happy”! —

Dedicated to all fathers

Unknown

Winning The Pleasure Of Your Mother In-Law

Some mothers in-law have an unintended and uncontrollable feeling of rejection and resentment towards their daughters in-law. This could be caused by one of the following three reasons:

First: The eldest son is a source of compassion and love which mothers benefit from, especially at old age; therefore, they would not have good feelings towards those whom they think would deprive them from such a source.

Second: The mother, who has spent her entire life raising and caring for her children, finds it difficult to accept that the daughter in-law, who has never shouldered such responsibilities, is able to properly care for her son.

Third: The mother in-law could have different values, principles or even ideologies from the daughter in-law. She believes that she can never be wrong.

Some mothers in-law suffer from grief and depression due to differences and disputes with their daughters in-law. The daughter in-law may treat her badly, neglect her, and even keep the grandchildren away from her; this is compounded when the mother in-law is a widow and her children mean everything to her.

Most mothers are pleased by something as minor as a kind word being said to them; this is because they require special care, as their lives are empty due to the loneliness they feel, which makes them think that they have no use in life. Therefore, it is especially important that their children are merciful and understanding towards them; they should make them feel important and involve them in certain matters and decisions, in order to make them feel that their opinion is important, and that they are valued and needed.

How can a wife win the pleasure of her mother in-law?

By using kind words when talking to her. Allaah (the Most High) says (what means): “Have you not considered how Allaah presents an example, [making] a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly fixed and its branches [high] in the sky? It produces fruit all the time, by permission of its Lord. And Allaah presents examples for the people that perhaps they will be reminded.” [Qur’aan 14: 24-25]

By obeying her and dealing with her as if she is her own daughter. ‘Aa’ishah reported that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Whenever forbearance is added to anything, it adorns it; and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective.” [Muslim]

By gifting her. Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said, “Exchange gifts; you would thereby remove hatred towards one another; and never belittle any gift you give your neighbour, even if it is (something as minor as) the hoof of a sheep.” [At-Tirmithi]·

By treating her kindly, just as she would to her own mother. The wife should have tolerance towards her mother in-law, especially during the first months of the marriage, until she wins her pleasure and therefore becomes one of those who are beloved to her mother in-law – and this would make the entire family love her as well.

A wife should fear Allaah, lest she becomes a cause for her husband to be undutiful to his parents.

How can the mother-in-law win the pleasure of her daughter in-law?

Many mothers in-law treat their daughters in-law just as they treat their own daughters, and are very supportive towards them and their new life; this is because the daughter in-law is not only the wife of her son, but is also the future mother of her grandchildren, who are usually dearer to the grandparents than their own children.

On the other hand, there are many cases where the new wife is regarded as the personal property of the mother in-law, but why? In many traditions, the wife is dealt with as the property of her husband, and since the son is the property of his parents, then it follows that the ownership of the wife is in the hands of her in-laws, and this is a very dangerous predicament.

The mother plays a very sensitive role in the life of her children; a single incorrect move on her part could cause her children’s lives to turn into intolerable misery. On the other hand, an affectionate touch from the mother could render her son’s household into heaven. The following are some things a mother in-law could do to win the pleasure of her daughter in-law:

Express joy upon seeing her. Some mothers in-law show so much happiness at seeing their daughters in-law that it causes the latter to forget about all their problems.

Treat her as her own daughter. If she deals with her with a motherly touch, the mother in-law would win the heart of her daughter in-law.

If her son were to ever wrong his wife, she would advise him and encourage him to rectify all the problems that have occurred, as well as be kind to her.

If the son is married to more than one woman, his mother should treat them all similarly and love them equally, exactly as she would treat her own daughters.

If any dispute takes place between her own daughter and her daughter in-law, she should side with her daughter in-law and say to her daughter in private, “You are my own daughter, but she is a stranger who has no one to support her.”

This behaviour is exhibited by an ideal mother in-law, one who fears Allaah and seeks to make her son’s house a happy one, and who seeks to strengthen the relationship between her and her daughter in-law.

idealmuslimah.com

Jamiatul Ulama KZN